TW: Abuse
One of the hardest things about surviving abuse is the aftermath. Not only the healing but also the way that abusers often try to slander the reputation of the survivor.
The lies and bullying that abusers spread post-breakup are called setting flying monkeys. They spread false information, rumors, and insults in hopes that they can further ruin the survivor's life.
I talked about my abuser to my friends with facts, stating how they treated me and acknowledging that they are human and going through their shit, while my abuser has trashed me and tried to turn everyone they can against me. It is exhausting and frustrating, especially when all I want to do is start healing.
Since my relationship has ended, several people my ex and I used to be friends with have unfollowed me, blocked me, and even started cyberbullying me.
I already blame myself for not leaving earlier, for ignoring the red flags, and giving them a chance after chance when they proved to me time again that they could not change. But, unfortunately, due to the lies that they are spreading, there are plenty of others who blame me.
The end of the relationship was so wrong that I had to go to the police station to report it. I understand that this is a big deal, but it was not my intention to ruin their "reputation" or their future, but instead, get them the treatment they needed but would not get without being pushed to and for my safety.
I had a now ex-friend ask me, "what about their future, didn't you think of that?". It is not my responsibility to protect their reputation when I spent months protecting myself from their abuse and trying to find the strength to leave. My abuser did not think of my future when they treated me the way they did. It is my responsibility to protect myself and ensure that no other people are put in the same situation due to my abuser.
If you are abused, and you worry, what will happen to them now, remember that they made choices that put their future in danger - not you. You do not owe it to them to protect you when they consciously tried to hurt you. You are not a bad person for reporting their actions - you are so brave, and you are a survivor. Take care of yourself and know that you are doing the best you can.
If you believe you may be in an abusive relationship, please dial the Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1.800.799.7233 or text them at 1.800.787.3224. If this is an emergency, dial 911.
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