TW: Domestic Abuse, Sexual Violence
CONTAINS SPOILERS
This past weekend, I watched It Ends With Us. My friends wanted to watch it, and I was nervous; I honestly didn’t think I’d make it through. I thought I might have a PTSD episode and have to leave.
But I pushed myself, which was a big step. I sat down and watched it, only picking up my phone minimally to avoid the most uncomfortable parts. I usually avoid content about DV, stalking, and sexual assault because I know myself well. Even Disney movies can make me cry, and films on these topics often leave me feeling low for days.
I’d heard mixed reviews about the movie and the book, with some saying Colleen Hoover made the book too “fluffy” for such serious subjects. Naturally, I was curious, but I still haven’t read the book.
At first, I found the marketing fluffy. The movie was not.
So, we sat down on my friend’s couch—me, my boyfriend, my friend Rapha, and her boyfriend.
The movie begins with Lily at her father’s funeral in Maine. She’s supposed to say five things she loved about him, but instead, she freezes, stares at the crowd, and runs out. She must have truly hated him, not even faking it.
She moves to Boston to open a flower shop, Lily Blooms (it was cool to see familiar locations). On a rooftop, she meets Ryle, and they immediately connect.
At first, it seems like they might not meet again, but it turns out Lily’s first employee’s brother is Ryle. He visits the shop, and though he says he’s “not a relationship kind of guy,” their friendship evolves into more.
For the first hour, I was confused. I’d heard about the abusive relationship, but the way the scenes were cut, Lily’s injuries seemed accidental.
Lily’s backstory reveals she watched her mom endure abuse from her father, including r*pe. She met Atlas, a boy who also witnessed his mother’s abuse, and they bonded over their shared experiences. She felt safe with him, though things ended badly (no spoilers here).
The first violent incident with Ryle is ambiguous—she seems confused and has a flashback of her parents’ relationship. To the audience, it looks like an accident, as Ryle is immediately apologetic and attentive, asking if she’s okay.
This hit me hard. My abuser used to do the same, making me feel crazy, like I was imagining things. How could someone show so much care and yet be hurting you?
When Atlas reappears as the manager of a restaurant, he notices Lily’s bruise and grows concerned. This sparks tension between him and Ryle, culminating in a fight that gets Ryle kicked out.
Later, Ryle proposes, and they marry the same day—a whirlwind reminiscent of love-bombing. From the outside, it looks like a perfect romance, with grand gestures and flawless Instagram moments masking the abuse.
Things escalate when Ryle finds Atlas’ number in Lily’s phone case. Enraged, he runs down the stairs; Lily follows, and another “incident” occurs. Again, it’s portrayed as an accident, blurring the line between intention and harm.
TW: R*pe
The third incident is unambiguous. In a rage over her tattoo, Ryle assaults Lily. She pleads with him to stop, tells him she loves him, and begs him to look at her. But he doesn’t. The abuse becomes clear—for the audience and for Lily.
Afterward, she goes to Atlas, who takes her to the hospital. She refuses a r*pe kit but discovers she’s pregnant. I can’t imagine the feeling of realizing you’re trapped in an abusive relationship and then learning you’re carrying your abuser’s child.
Lily decides to raise the baby alone. She grows closer to her mom and friends, telling Ryle’s sister (her best friend) about the abuse. Her friend says something like, “As his sister, I hope you’ll forgive him someday. But as your friend, I’ll never speak to you again if you go back to him.”
Ryle tries to help set up the baby’s room, apologizing and begging her to move back in. But as Lily says, what’s an apology worth when you know the behavior won’t change?
When her daughter is born, Lily asks Ryle for a divorce. He begs her to reconsider. She asks, “What if our daughter told you her boyfriend hit her? What would you tell her?” He replies, “I’d beg her not to go back or forgive him.” And he leaves.
Lily looks at her daughter and says, “It ends with us.” She vows to break the cycle of abuse for her child.
I appreciated how the movie portrayed Ryle’s abuse as subtle and unclear until it wasn’t. To the outside world—and even to survivors—abuse can look like accidents or isolated incidents.
Abuse is complicated. I told myself I’d never allow it to happen to me. But just two years after leaving a toxic relationship, I found myself in an abusive one. That relationship only lasted a year, but the trauma lingers. Even now, in a healthy relationship, I still struggle.
My therapist, who recommended I read the book, shared that Colleen Hoover drew from her mother’s experiences. This makes me wonder if Lily’s story is what Hoover wishes her mother’s had been.
The movie did an incredible job portraying the cycle of DV. While triggering, it also reflects my recovery—I made it through the whole film. I recommend it to anyone seeking a nuanced and powerful portrayal of abuse.
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Domestic Abuse Hotline: 1.800.799.7233
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