TW: Abuse, sexual coercion
At the beginning of my abusive relationship, there were signs that I wish I would have noticed earlier.
Here are some of the tell-tale early signs of abuse:
Feeling rushed - into the relationship, physical things, and disrespected or ignored when you communicate boundaries or desires to slow things
Constantly checking in on partner - it's easy to justify it and say it was out of love, but there is a line between curiosity and control
Blames everyone but themselves for their problems - big red flag if a person says "my crazy ex" or "... made me do this"
Love bombing - lots and lots of love, in the beginning, it's more intense than puppy love, it's an abuser's way of drawing you in and getting you hooked on their affection
Uncontrolled + unmonitored rage - hurting animals, others, or themselves in acts such as punching walls
Isolation - wants you to only spend time with them, giving up passions, friends, hobbies + may control who you can see and when, guilts you when you want to do something other than see them
Unpredictable - irrational mistrust, extreme sensitivity to rejections, create rules that only apply to you
Jealousy - constant irrational jealousy, constantly suspicious of everyone around you, accused of cheating regularly
Unrealistic - statements that they can't live without you and that you'll be together forever; it can feel really good to hear these things, but the hard truth is that they don't mean it, it's their way of also love bombing you, trying to keep you under their control
Possessive - take control to the extreme, sees partner as their property
Specific red flags I noticed in my relationship:
Got mad when I posted photos in a bikini or a selfie, saying that I was doing it to try to get other people's attention
Ignored me for hours during the day when they were mad at me
Said they had been misunderstood by everyone
Got jealous of all my friends who were guys, saying that they thought I would cheat
Told me not to get a job but made me pay for everything
Blamed family for all their problems and behaviors
Told me they loved me a week in
If you believe you may be in an abusive relationship, please dial the Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1.800.799.7233 or text them at 1.800.787.3224. If this is an emergency, dial 911.
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